When God's Grace is Removed

It was raining early in the morning.

One of the things that upsets me as I would be delayed for work

(I ride to work by bike and therefore I wear a raincoat when it rains,

with the traffic jam & all other sorts of inconvenience on the road is so tiresome.)

I was feeling very tired, worn-out and angry.

Deep inside I was feeling very burdened.

Something so unusual as this is a normal ordeal when it rains in the morning.

This shouldn't upset me - so why is this happening internally?

I wondered whether could it be pride or selfishness on my part.

(self-seeking ambitious or my pride wounded)

Sort of my own self-check to see whether my heart is in the right place.

Even then, why am I feeling so tired, so drained out of energy?

Back Story:

It all started last weekend when I worship lead in a church.

The practice and the worship flowed very smoothly but something was missing.

I didn't sense it then but realized it the next day.

(the feeling of tiredness & emotional bankruptcy overwhelmed the next day)

So much so, I was not able to get out of bed..

feeling very sick inside but I'm not having any fever.

I didn't discover the reason until I realized that something

was actually wrong with the whole picture.

Priority to that Worship Service, this happened:

The worship pastor bailed out at the last minute.

She coordinates and make sure everything goes smoothly

(or try to minimize the problem in some way)

It is a common practice,

a schedule and the group of musicians are assigned & allocated on who is playing and singing.

Basically, she plays the keyboard.

It so happened that there was a church meeting took place

few hours before the practice time and she was part of that meeting.

Eventually the practice took place (an hour before service time) and she didn't show-up.

Later, she mentioned that the meeting is still on and she would not be able to play for the day.

She later walked in few minutes before the sermon time.

What took me off guard is can a worship pastor do that?

Can a person with that authority walk away and washes the hand taking as its not my problem?

Suddenly, I was shocked to realize that a clique system is slowly forming and taking place.

Suddenly it feels like its us vs them in the worship arena.

Way back then (few weeks ago - flashback)

I had emailed her to have an urgent meeting concerning the worship team as a lot of pressing matters are at hand. The message was accepted gracefully but no action was taken.

Later after another week's time,

I sent a message to the leadership of the church asking the pastor to take action concerning all these matters and I received "silence".

I personally asked again only to find that my question was ignored.

But then, given to the benefit of a doubt

- I concluded that everyone was busy and perhaps this matter will be dealt more professionally later when time permits.

I realized now that I'm wrong.

Coming back now,

I was off from the shower this morning and I heard a message from God came to me:

"the Grace of God had been removed from you to serve in this place."

Let me explain, in other words:

Though the zeal and commitment towards serving God is admirable,

do not go beyond the boundaries where God's grace is not given to operate in such a situation.

Technically there are two types of Grace. (as I understand it)

The Resident Grace and the Personal Grace.

The Resident Grace is commonly understood where the authority comes from the pastor where he was called and given the mandate to plant the church, giving direction and lead the flock as being the shepherd. To this area, which is also understood as covering.

The Personal Grace is very much like the individual anointing.

 This operates as how much devotion & time put together in growth & seeking the Lord. And this differs from one individual compared to another.

For example: The story of Balaam, where his personal grace operates making him a prophet and being a prophet - the anointing of the prophecy is strong regardless whether he obeys or disobeys God. God had specifically forbid him from progressing into the matters with King Balak as in (the resident grace) was removed.

And so, what happened?

He was open to a spiritual attack

(here was a case where an angel of the Lord waiting to strike him dead)

Now what are the signs of grace removed from you,

even though you have the anointing of the specific calling.

1) Spiritual Attack.

Now the Spirit of the LORD had departed from Saul,

and an evil spirit from the LORD tormented him.

Saul's attendants said to him,

"See, an evil spirit from God is tormenting you.

Let our lord command his servants here to search for someone who can play the harp.

He will play when the evil spirit from God comes upon you, and you will feel better."

1 Samuel 16:14-16 (NIV)

If you will find yourself under spiritual attack:

Physically like experiencing tiredness & burdensome

and the joy of the Lord been robbed from you.

You would be wondering what went wrong even though you know you have done & gave the best.

2) Theological Belief / Falsehood.

You will find that the "lack of Holiness" somehow falls into a grey area during service.

Especially when the pastor teaches false doctrines where he started to strongly deny the

The issue of sin and the consequences and calls it everything is covered by grace and therefore sin doesn't exist.

And the pastor, is too superior and aloft.

Sometimes a person may confuse this with the idea that they must serve in perseverance and with commitment.

And that they are facing "persecution" in this matter.

This is true in the persecuting churches but this is clearly a leadership problem, the worship is not the focus of the church. The teaching and theology of the church is rather questionable.

Unless God called me to serve and he gave me the specific mandate that I should do it.

If not, I prefer not to tread where angels fear to walk.

I asked my friend who had introduced me to serve in this place concerning his stand on this matter.

We spoke and discussed this matter for hours but he felt lead to continue to serve in that particular church.

We bid farewell and parted. And as for leadership of the church, They didn't last long as after few months the church had decided to close down and start elsewhere.